Shit is up. Shit has been up.


I keep looking for just the right words to express my feelings, just the right way to explain what is happening inside my head, my heart, my soul. Just when I think I have a handle on it some other crazy ass shit comes up and I have to start the process all over again.
I have been waiting for all the right things to say that would be helpful, or spiritual, or something…
So first, Trump. Yep that election, now nearly 2 years ago, sent me into a tailspin. I went back on anti-depressants. Then finished getting my teaching credential. Yay. Anyway, got certified, then got special ed. certified, then got a job in the middle of the school year that about kicked my ass. Not the kids. The kids are the kids. They are in my class for a reason. But I never expected the complete and utter lack of administrative support (in their defense-they are also over worked and understaffed and probably underpaid). Nor did I ever expect to be actively undermined by existing staff. But live and learn. And learn I did, quickly. The year is finished. My husband transferred to California and YAY, now we are moving to California.
…if our house ever sells.
…if our idiot in chief can keep his mouth shut long enough not to crash the economy…
Summer in Texas. Kids in fucking tents torn from their parents. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! These poor kids. Their poor parents.
Now we must find a way to keep track of the kids who remember their names and the names of their parents…besides mama and papa…and reunite them. There must be a way.
The fascist government is already here. Like that cartoon, “Those that know their history are doomed to watch those who do not, repeat it.” Fuck.
Here at 10K Sanctuary we are giving what little money we have in the bank (160.00) to RAICES an organization that works on reuniting parents and children and also paying the fee to get parents out of detention while they await a hearing. They are doing great work.
But if you do not like that organization please feel free to give the Southern Poverty Law Center. They are always doing great work to help those with legal needs all over the country. Or the ACLU
What scares and shocks me is the ability of people to dehumanize other people with such ease. I know it is not new. It is woven into the fabric of this country, in every country, really. Racism, colonialism, misogyny, othering… Always waiting for the barbarians as if it is not us.
My garden is doing great! It seems after 10 years I can grow things in Texas! Well besides friendships. Figs, Lemons, asparagus, passion fruit, blackberries and even comfrey! Which is a miracle if I do say so myself.
So, still on anti-depressants. Still taking anti-anxiety meds. Still able to laugh and always feel the weight of the fucking oppression of all that is out there.
I often wonder how trump, mcconnell, ryan, pence, huckabee, and all the rest of them, how do they sleep? How will they ever know what damage they have wrought? How do they not care. They count other lives so cheaply and theirs so dear… do they look into the eyes of their kids and think what would I do if someone stole my baby? I just don’t understand. I mean it doesn’t matter. They made their choices. I will not other them in the way they are othering so many. But DAMN! They are some fucked up humans.
Give what you can where you can. Remember you cannot serve from an empty cup. Eat, exercise, sing, dance, remember the sound of the birds, the smell of springtime. Even the heat of summer in Texas. Someday we will all need the stories and laughter to survive. Love deeply.